New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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