Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize