Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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