hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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