Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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