My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize