you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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