just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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