I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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