Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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