does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Two words: blizzard sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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