so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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