Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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