The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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What changed your mind?
Being sober
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize