I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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