I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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