One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize