Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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