I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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