i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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