when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize