no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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