i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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