He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize