Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize