No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize