How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
tell me about the fingering
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