I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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