Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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