Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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