as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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