come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize