I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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