How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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