Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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