your parents love me but you hate me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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