So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize