If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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Someone came in the potted fern
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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