my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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