Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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