There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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