I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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