Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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