Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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