is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize