I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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