Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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