I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize