I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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