i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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